


Expectations

by impravidus



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Study, Dean Winchester-centric, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, No Porn, Porn with Feelings, yeah i know it's confusing just trust me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:08:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29361537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impravidus/pseuds/impravidus
Summary: For Dean, there has always been expectations on the person he's supposed to be.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	Expectations

For Dean, there has always been expectations on the person he's supposed to be.

First and foremost, he was a brother. Caring for Sammy, making sure he could at least provide goodness and hope and chance when he couldn’t give him the things he really deserved. He could not give him stability, simplicity, certainty, but he could give him a semblance of normality. He could try to give him a sliver of a life outside of the one Dean knew that he himself was destined to be stuck in a chokehold and trapped in. Sammy was and is his priority.

Then, he was a hunter. He was quick, efficient, intuitive where he wasn’t intelligent. He dropped everything to dedicate his life to the hunt. He had no choice, just obligation for the greater good. There was no escape from hunting. He was raised for it. Numb to the brutality and grey morality, he followed orders and he did what he was told.

And the source of those expectations, what chained him tight like a damnation to imprisonment. Dean was an obedient son, one that followed every whim and way of his father. The perfect, malleable mold to conform to John Winchester’s twisted perceptions. A soldier, hardened and strong, but submissive and compliant.

Dean found that expectations followed him as his life went on.

What once was simple flirtatious fun, turned into another expectation. Women saw his tall, broad stature and expected him to be exciting. Rough and strong. They wanted him to be in control.

And maybe Dean thrived on that control when he felt he had it nowhere else. 

But his life was defined by that tough exterior, of being rough and strong. And really, was he really in control when he is being what he was made to be?

His father died. An expectation that controlled his every being was suddenly highlighted with a big question mark. What did it mean now that he was gone? Who should he be if not the man his father molded him to become?

Then he was expected to be used for a greater purpose. For a reckoning inconceivable by his feeble mind. Righteous Man. Michael’s Sword. 

Expectations grew as the world demanded it. Lives to save. A planet to protect from conquest.

Shit, his whole life was one big expectation constructed by a despotic God.

But there was an expectation that he hadn’t expected.

Being himself.

Castiel was an enigma that Dean was still learning to understand. He was a creature crushed by the pressures of expectation and was slowly learning the meaning of breaking free from them.

And he was slowly teaching Dean too.

It takes years before Dean starts to really realize his epiphany moment. Long after the various Earth ending catastrophes. Long after their biggest bad has been defeated. Long into the life of domesticity that he never expected for himself. 

He realized that there were the old expectations, ones that wouldn’t go away — brother, hunter — but there were new labels, new expectations that Dean started to like more and more. Best friend. Partner. Parent.

And then.

_ Partner. _ Lover. 

It has taken Dean and Castiel almost a decade to get to where they are now. With a post love confession resurrection by their God son, Dean and Castiel are figuring out where they stand.

With Castiel, there are expectations. But they’re unlike any he’s had before.

_ Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be yourself.  _

Dean doesn’t know how to comply with these expectations. He doesn’t know how to meet what feels like impossible standards.

Castiel has no intent to control him. He also has no intent to make Dean be in control.

He just wants him to be comfortable. Loved. Safe.

They take it slow. Slower than Dean has ever taken anything.

Chaste, fleeting kisses. Brushed lips, featherlight touches, restraint and patience.

Dean flourishes in the little intimacies, the way Castiel trails soft kisses down his neck or slides his fingers over his skin.

The hesitance passes and is replaced by passionate fervor. 

Hands grabbing and gripping tight. Backs arched to close the minuscule distance. Panting breathlessly as they pull away.

Dean asks why they haven’t had sex yet.

He wants to have sex. He has wanted to have sex for a long time. He thinks it’s the logical next step for the relationship.

Castiel asks if that’s really what he wants.

Dean doesn’t know how to answer.

“Of course it is,” is what he wants to say. But he can’t.

Does he want that? Does he want what he has always thought sex to be?

“What are you thinking?” Castiel asks.

Dean licks his lips. “What do  _ you _ want?”

Castiel frowns. “I want to make you feel good. However I can.”

Dean’s brows scrunch as he thinks. “You don’t want  _ me _ to make  _ you _ feel good?”

“I think that it is likely we will both receive pleasure simultaneously,” Castiel says.

Dean chuckles, though his palms are sweaty and his throat is dry. 

“I want to take care of you,” Castiel says. “Will you let me do that?”

Dean has never done that. Submission has become a thing tainted by the contexts of a manipulative man that wanted only to control. When he wasn’t in control, he was being controlled. He doesn’t like that.

But that’s not what this is. This is Castiel. This isn’t about him taking control. This is about Dean giving him his trust. Trust that, when he gives him the control, he won’t use it against him.

Dean swallows the lump in his throat and nods. 

“I need to hear you say it,” Castiel murmurs.

“Yes,” Dean finally manages to say. “I want that. I want you.”

Dean knows expectations. He has been controlled by them for far too long.

But the only expectation that matters is being him.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to chat, my Tumblr is [official-impravidus](https://official-impravidus.tumblr.com/)


End file.
